It has been a while since I've posted anything but be assured that it is not due to a lack of excitement around here. (The word excitement is synonymous with the simple act of waking up and surviving a day here in our household.) God has been doing an amazing work in me. It's not glamorous or popular... in fact, it maybe considered taboo or even unspiritual. However, I believe that if we truly are living our lives for God and His glory, how will people know what God is doing if we aren't willing to share it? (I am fairly certain that this is mentioned in a previous post, but anyway...)
I have battled depression for more than half of my life. I've had very good times but there have been some very dark periods of my life. These last few weeks have been very dark. I have been diagnosed with yet another complicated food allergy, my little one is teething, and my older one has become incredibly restless at night. Needless to say, sleep deprivation has added to the "darkness." It hasn't been until recently that I realized that this part of my life was not only a closely held secret but it has been a part that I have NEVER surrendered to God. In fact, once when asked by a dear friend if this was something that I had prayed about I became indignant and offended. I had surrendered to the idea that my brain makes or doesn't make some type of horomone or chemical. I had surrendered to the idea that this over or under production requires medication and careful monitoring by a professional. I have certainly surrendered and boldly advocate that, like any other medical condition, the use of medication should not be viewed as weakness or as a lack of faith.
BUT.... Shouldn't this be something that I am willing to, at the very least, consult God on? Why wouldn't I ask for God's healing hand in this area of my life? I have prayed for healing for people struggling with cancer, addiction, broken relationships... why wouldn't it cross my mind that this is something my God can handle? Earlier this evening, during a sermon, it was stated that all things occur because God allows them to occur.* My brain immediately jumped at the question: why!?!? Why would God - who promises in His Word to desire the best for me, allow for such pain? Almost immediately... God spoke to my heart and answered.
1- God desires that I be confident in Him*... that I KNOW (as in attaining deep knowledge through experience) that He will bring me through everything that comes my way. I believe that God is buliding my confidence through testing. I also believe that if I weren't right in the middle of God's will, things would probably be easier. In tonight's sermon, I was reminded that in taking up my banner for Jesus Christ, I am painting a HUGE target on my back for Satan to attack.
2 - Depression is Satan's stronghold in my life. He exploits this stronghold in an effort to make me ineffective, disobedient, withdrawn, and flat-out-angry at God. This is not easy for me to admit. I am a controlled person... 90% of the time. I am logical, analytical, and down-right stubborn. For me to admit that Satan has any influence on my life makes me sick.
3 - God allowed for His precious, perfect, all-human, all-God, Son, Jesus Christ to endure pain. When Jesus asked if there was any other way, God told Him "No." Jesus was still obedient.*
4 - Now what?!?!? Now that I know this, how am I to proceed in my daily life? While I don't have all the answers, this is what I KNOW. God is in control. He is my strength when I am weak. He is more than able to fix me. He will recieve the glory from all situations... good or bad*. He is ALWAYS good. God will reign forever and Satan will be defeated. In the meantime, as His battle rages, my prayer is that I will be obedient*. It's that simple. Sometimes God gives us a glimpse of His grand vision but sometimes He gives us an opportunity to be still and let God be God.
This will be topic that I will return to from time to time. Everyone has struggles that we must face daily... but if God was willing to send His Son, Jesus Christ to suffer a terrible, painful death and be raised from the dead so that He could make a way for us to have a relationship and spend eternity with Him, I have to believe that He can take care this. 2 Chronicles 20:15, says that the "...battle belongs to the Lord." (I really suggest reading the entire chapter. It's very encouraging.)
For the record, that I am NOT a medical professional and that I have expertise other than my own experience regarding depression, any other mental illness, or medical condition. I STRONGLY encourage ANYONE struggling with depression to seek assistance... immediately.
*Job 1
*Jeremiah 1
*Luke 22: 39-47
*Romans 8:28
*John14: 30-31
*2 Chronicles 20
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